


Not Broken 1 and 2 (The first of the !Magnets 'verse)

by Nouveau_Monday



Series: Magnets [1]
Category: As the World Turns
Genre: Gay Merit Badges, M/M, Magnets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-18 19:00:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16124732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nouveau_Monday/pseuds/Nouveau_Monday
Summary: Summary: Noah wants Luke desperately. Luke wants Noah desperately. Luke freaks out. Noah tries to be noble. Luke eventually has his way with Noah. Noah reciprocates. Happy endings for all.





	Not Broken 1 and 2 (The first of the !Magnets 'verse)

**Author's Note:**

> This spoils up to NYE 2007 but then derails because wanting more privacy and then deciding to take it slow does not fit well with the notion of a porn-a-thon.
> 
> This was written for a New Year's Luke/Noah porn-a-thon with 2 prompts: Gay Merit Badge, Private Parties
> 
> Also, this was the first fanfic I ever, ever, ever wrote.

**part one**

Luke sat on the sofa in the parlor. He played with Noah’s hair absent-mindedly while Noah’s head rested in his lap.

“You’re grandmother isn’t going to bust us for this, is she?” 

“She said my room was off limits, not the parlor. Anyway, what’s going to happen here?” The hand not entangled in Noah’s hair skimmed across his arm. “Quit worrying. We haven’t done anything wrong.”

Noah mumbled something and flushed.

“What was that?” Luke tipped his head to the side and bent closer enough to feel his boyfriend’s breath.

Noah scrunched his eyes closed to not meet Luke’s intense brown stare. Noah always said too much when Luke stared. “Didn’t say anything.”

“You absolutely said something, Mayer, and as your boyfriend...” He purred the word for extra emphasis. “Your boyfriend should know what makes you blush.” Luke slipped his left hand under Noah’s shirt and up his ribs. “Tell me or I’ll be forced to resort to tickling you.”

Noah squirmed at the thought. His breath caught in his lungs as the shift of his body placed Luke’s warm, rough hand across Noah’s heart. He forced his eyes to remain on Luke as he confessed what he had mumbled. “I said, not yet.”

“Not yet was enough to get you hot and bothered? Not yet what?” Luke’s fingers danced circles around Noah’s nipple. He smiled at the shivers he created.

“Not yet done anything wrong, Luke, but I swear if you keep looking at me, keep your hand on me, I’m no longer responsible for what happens in this room.” Noah’s eyes were glassy. His hands clenched the covers on the sofa cushions.

Luke feathered his hand across Noah’s skin. He cradled Noah’s head in his other one. “Promises, promises, Noah. You’re as solid as a boy scout. That’s why you’re allowed to stay. My family knows we barely even kiss. Now, shut up and fix that.” Luke leaned impossibly forward to bite Noah’s lip.

Noah’s whole body clenched, but he craned upward to meet Luke. More than anything he wanted to eradicate the image of a boy scout from both their minds. The Colonel had been a fucking boy scout. The first taste of his tongue across Luke’s lips swept any other thoughts away. A combination of cookies and milk from the plate left for Santa pounded at his senses. Noah licked at Luke’s mouth while his hands reached up to find him. He needed to touch him. Always wanted to touch him. When Noah had kissed Maddie, the kisses were more frequent, but never as intense. Like a faucet dripping compared to barrel-rolling Niagara Falls. The water was not the same just because it was wet. Wet. He groaned into Luke’s mouth as Luke’s teeth scraped his lip. Luke’s mouth – like the rest of him – was a miracle.

Uncomfortable stolen kisses were not going to be acceptable much longer. Every touch of their tongues flared electricity to Noah’s dick. In Luke’s grandmother’s parlor, he tried to remind himself. You cannot beg Luke to touch you, blow you, jerk you off, or fuck you while in his grandmother’s parlor. In a blinding moment of rational thought, he pressed his hands against Luke’s chest and pushed him away. “We shouldn’t, Luke.” He cringed at the fear in his own voice.

“We shouldn’t what? Shouldn’t kiss? Noah, you can still barely say the word.” Luke’s sarcasm bit through his ragged breath. “Why can’t we? Last time I checked we were dating.”

Noah flinched at the hurt, the doubt, in Luke’s voice. “Oh god, Luke.” He ran his hands through his hair. His fingers brushed against Luke’s thigh from where he still leaned on him. Noah’s dick strained against his pants just thinking of him. “Luke, it’s not that, and you should know it. I struggle with words, but not feelings.” He blushed. “Trust me. The feelings are definitely there.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“Jesus, Luke, we’re in your grandmother’s house. Your dad caught us once already. I don’t even know how you made it back downstairs. Do I want to be kissing you? All the god damned time. Do I want to be thrown out of your family’s house when for the first time in my fucking life I’m around people who actually love-“ He broke.

Luke shifted to cradle Noah against his shoulder. He held him close and let him cry.

Noah clung to Luke’s arms and hid his face. “I’m an idiot.”

“No, Noah, no, you’re not. I’m the idiot. You were trying to do the right thing and I thought you didn’t want me.” Luke pulled him closer. “Shut up and get it out of your system. Sounds like you were overdue for it.”

Noah sat up so his knees touched Luke’s. He dashed at his eyes. “Not want you? Luke Snyder, how could you possibly - ? What were you possibly - ?” He pitched his voice lower, held his face inches from Luke’s. “I want you so badly I can’t think. In the middle of my final when I should have been writing about Best Years of Our Lives, I had to stop because all I could imagine was that I’d be seeing you. Every time you move, I want to touch you. I want you so bad it hurts.” He rolled his eyes. “I always thought blue balls were some weird myth, like going blind or getting hairy palms.” He grabbed Luke’s hand and pressed it to his lap. Noah touched his forehead to Luke’s. “Trust me. I’m not blind, and, as of yet, no werewolf hands, but Luke,” he held Luke’s hand over his dick and wanted to whimper at the heat scorching through his pants. “Luke, I want you so bad it hurts.”

Luke’s hand tensed. For weeks he had been trying to angle them enough privacy for just this. His fingers slid over the outline of Noah’s dick, up and down. He shifted, uncomfortably aware of his own. “It’s not only you, Noah.” He slid Noah’s hand down his chest and on to his lap. “You do the same to me.” Luke grinned at the intake of Noah’s breath, but whined when Noah pulled away like he had been burned. “Stop thinking, Noah. Just stop thinking.” For emphasis, Luke closed his hand over Noah’s dick and swiped his thumb over the head.

Noah’s pants were sticky. For a brief, delectable moment, Luke wanted to yank off Noah’s clothes and suck him until that hint of pre-come was the real thing sliding down his throat. He ran his thumb under the head, as he did to himself, and was rewarded by a second, not so quiet, moan.

Noah couldn’t stop his noises, but could control his hand. He used his fingers to feel the differences between their dicks. Luke felt wider, maybe shorter, but definitely as hard. He mimicked Luke’s gestures and teased the head of Luke’s dick with his thumb. He smiled at Luke’s shudder and took that as a cue to move his hand up and down Luke’s shaft. He palmed the head while his other swept Luke closer to him. All these sensations and emotions forced desire from his every pore. Would it be possible to climb inside Luke’s skin? Was there another way to be as close? Luke shuddered underneath him. His hips rocked toward Noah’s hand, even as Noah realized he was doing the same.

“Oh god, Noah, fuck, just, you have to stop before –“ Luke’s attempt at verbalization ran out. He rocked reflexively against Noah’s fist. “Really close, Noah. You feel so good.”

Noah nibbled at Luke’s lip. “Shut up, Luke. Your family’s going to hear you and think you’re hurt. Don’t want the whole family here right now, do you?” He adjusted his hand over Luke’s sweats. He used his tongue to lick the inside of Luke’s sweet mouth. Would all of him taste that way, or was that the rich cream of the chocolate chip cookies from earlier? Tasting more than Luke’s mouth crashed erotic images into every muscle of Noah’s body. Ideas he didn’t know he could conjure pooled behind his eyelids.

Noah placed his hand over Luke’s and debated whining as the cool air of the parlor replaced the warm strength of Luke’s fingers. “For you, Luke, all for you.” Noah maneuvered himself to straddle Luke’s legs. Next time, he promised himself. Next time this will not happen on a sofa unless it pulls out into a bed. With the use of both hands, Noah pushed Luke back. “What do you like? What do you need?” He didn’t, couldn’t, wait for a response. Luke was the only reason to exist. A beacon in Noah’s otherwise dark existence. Like the first kiss, all of Noah’s desire and desperation spilled from his mouth and blended with their tongues. Noah held Luke’s face between his hands, searing kisses across him until he tasted the salt mingling with Luke’s skin. “Oh shit, Luke, fuck.” He yanked himself back. “I hurt you. Did I hurt you? I’m an idiot.”

“You didn’t hurt me, Noah. You overwhelmed me. And those tears aren’t only mine.” Luke’s callused fingers brushed across Noah’s face. His thumb, so recently involved in melting Noah’s resolve, skimmed his cheeks. 

Under Luke’s touch, Noah felt his own tears. Again, he curled into Luke and let himself be held close. “You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, Luke.”

“I love you, too, Noah.” Luke smiled. “Sharing Christmas with you is amazing. And look,” he pointed at the red digital read out on the cable box. “1:20. Almost an hour and a half into Christmas day. We should both get sleep before Faith and Natalie drag us to open presents. You’ll need rest to prepare for that. And I need a cold shower.” He untangled his limbs from Noah. “Good night.”

Noah smiled. “Cold shower, huh? Maybe,” he reached out to snag Luke’s fingers. “Maybe some other day we can try a warm one together. I remember how you look when you’re wet. Wet and naked sounds even better.” Luke’s flushed smile was the only present Noah needed. “Sleep well, Luke,” Noah curled himself up under the covers as best he could. He drifted to sleep before Luke turned off the light by the door.

*****

Christmas was everything Luke warned Noah it would be, and that still couldn't have prepared him for the morning. Christmas at the base, whichever base, was quiet and orderly. Presents had stopped by the time Noah was twelve because real men didn't need gifts. There had been church, but nothing like church with the Snyder clan. Then grace in the mess hall led by the Chaplain, then organized, pre-measured, mass produced meat, vegetable and two starches. More people, barely, than at the farm, but certainly less talking. Wrapping paper and ribbons were everywhere. And to quote the Grinch, "Oh the noise, noise, noise, noise!" By the time presents were unwrapped, he was ready to duck and run. But Luke held his hand and everything seemed like it would be okay, more than okay even.

"Didn't you promise me a walk down to the pond?" Luke's chin rested on Noah's shoulder. His breath tickled his ear.

"I did. Instead of walking to Chicago as you wanted." Noah turned to face Luke. "Do we have time?"

"With my family? Oh sure. You're about to explode anyway. This is way too much for you. Besides, they're so happy I'm walking, they're not going to stop me. And you, you're my prince in shining armor, who inspired all this in me. Dad knows it. My grandmother knows it. A saunter down to the pond to make out like rabbits seems a reasonable request, don't you think?"

Noah clapped a hand over Luke's mouth. "Your sisters are still in the room. Don't talk like that."

Luke bit Noah's palm and laughed. "They're busy with their new video games and Mom. They won't even notice we're gone. Come on, Noah. Grab a coat, and I'll tell Dad where we're going. I'll meet you in the kitchen. Hurry." Luke grabbed for his cane and slithered away from Noah's grasp. He hobbled out of the room without looking behind him. Hopefully Noah would understand the urgency.

He found Holden in the kitchen doing breakfast dishes. "Hey Dad, I was just wondering if you would miss Noah and me for an hour or so?" Luke projected innocence as best he could. His dad always seemed to know what he was thinking. Maybe this time he wouldn't try to peer inside his brain. Luke's skin burned with pent up desire and the clear realization that it better stayed pent or his dad would come up with some lame excuse to not let it happen.

"Sure, Luke, do whatever. Just be back in time for dinner." He glanced at his watch. "Which should be in two hours. That's when everyone else is arriving. Be home in an hour so you're rested." He turned back to the dishes. "And Luke, don't do anything foolish. You just started walking again. Let's keep you upright."

Luke smiled. "Of course, Dad. I wouldn't do anything else. It's just a walk. Promise. No mistletoe growing on the trees as far as I know." He hugged his father. "Thank you. Noah makes this great, but having mom here makes it the best. Go talk to her. Don't hide in the kitchen doing dishes just to let her have time with the girls. We're a family."

"You stop worrying about me. I'll continue worrying about you. That's my job. Now go, have a good time on your walk." He nodded to Noah. "Don't let him push himself. I'm counting on you."

"Yes, Sir." Noah handed Luke his jacket and shrugged on his own. "Hear that Luke. Your father says to take it easy." He walked to the door and held it open. "Thank you, Sir. We won't go too far."

"See that you don't, Noah. Luke's stubborn. Don't let him fool you into doing something you know you shouldn't." Holden raised one eyebrow at his son. "And Luke, be good."

"Always, Dad. Be back in an hour."

Noah closed the door behind them. He stuffed his hands in his jacket pockets. "Christ, it's cold." He shivered.

"This? This is nothing. Just need to toughen you up. You need to do more physical therapy with me." Luke fussed with Noah's striped scarf and zipped up his jacket. "Don't worry. I'll keep you warm." He smiled.

"Always," whispered Noah.

"You promised me a walk to the pond. Let's go." Luke held out the hand not holding the cane. "It's beautiful this time of year. I've missed it." He laughed. "I've had a lot of time to think about the pond." He curled his fingers around Noah's. "You at the pond. You and me at the pond. You and me in the water at the pond. Trust me. I've been dreaming about this moment for far too long."

"Me too. Ever since," Noah shook his head. "I was an idiot. There you were, and there I was, and then Maddie..." He sighed.

Luke covered Noah's mouth with his finger. "Stop. You're here, now, with me. It's Christmas. Let's just have today. Deal?"

"Deal." Noah kissed Luke's fingers before they left his lips.

Noah and Luke walked in almost silence, both wrapped in their own thoughts. Noah's head filled with a million words he could never quite say. Luke, his family, last night, nothing like that would ever have happened with the Colonel. Real men didn't cry, didn't hug, didn't love. Real men didn't speak, or care, or have to take moments because their emotions overwhelmed them, or make out under mistletoe with anyone, let alone another man. His senses effused with the dark chocolate taste of late night kisses and the scorching heat of Luke through thin sweats. Jesus, he had a one track mind. He fisted his hands further into his pockets, clenching them against the need to pin Luke up against the nearest tree and kiss him until they both passed out.

Luke elbowed Noah gently. "A penny for your thoughts?" He grinned his most innocent grin, but his eyes remained mischievous. "You're biting your lip and the noise you just made sounded extremely interesting." He put his hand on Noah's arm. "I might even have a quarter if the thought is good enough?"

Noah stared at the ground, kicked the leaves and rocks at his feet. His ears burned through the chill in the air. "Just thinking about you, Luke." He ran his hand through his hair and forced his eyes to meet Luke's. "I'm always thinking about you. But I don't want to push, or be too presumptuous or overwhelm you again like I did last night. I don't want to scare you ever. My father did more than enough."

Luke wrinkled his nose. "I don't want to think about your dad. And you're never going to be him, ever." He brushed Noah's cheek. "I'm so in love with you, Noah. I love your intensity and your honesty. You tell me that you lie, that you run away, but somehow you always find your way back to me with the truth." He draped kisses across Noah's lips. "Let's talk about something better. Let's talk about what had your teeth gnawing at your lip instead of mine. The pond is around the corner and there's a couple benches there." He tugged Noah forward, happy with the desire in Noah's eyes.

At the bench, Luke sat. His legs ached more than he wanted to admit, but the air outside felt so good. Inhaling, the chill rocketed to his lungs, driving a cough out of him.

"Are you okay?" Noah's arms wrapped around him.

"I'm better now." Luke leaned his back into the warmth of Noah's chest. "Much better in fact." He tipped himself back to bite at Noah's jaw. The feel of arms tightening around him gave him all the encouragement he needed. He bit again, letting his teeth scrape against the hint of stubble Noah must have missed when shaving. Not happy with the amount of skin he could reach, Luke gave up on subtlety and pulled himself into Noah's lap. All that time in the wheelchair seemed to be paying off. "I coughed because the air was cold, not because I'm going to break. We're out here. There are no adults, and amazingly enough, no people under the age of fourteen either. It's just us, Noah, so can we get on with the making out like animals bit?" He licked a trail up Noah's neck to behind his ear and bit him once more.

"Yes, please," Noah whispered. He pulled Luke to him, moaning into his mouth as their tongues met. Noah tasted of peppermint mouthwash and something stronger, darker. Coffee maybe? Noah's hands slipped under Luke's jacket to tattoo fingernail marks across his back. The pressure of his hands managed to wedge Luke even more directly onto Noah's lap. Noah growled as Luke writhed against his obviously growing erection. Noah's hips shifted under Luke as they both came up for air.

Noah held onto Luke and moved them both somehow. Luke lay cradled in Noah's arms against the slightly curved wooden seat of the bench. Like the previous night, Noah's kisses took on an air of desperation, but today they were met in turn. Luke took whatever Noah gave. He leered at Noah's yelp when Luke's icy hands found his nipples. He lost the ability to articulate thought when Noah nipped at his collarbone. Luke shifted his head to give Noah better purchase and pulled him closer until their jackets rubbed uncomfortably against them. 

Noah yanked off his scarf with one hand and stuffed it behind Luke's head. Luke leaned back and nodded to say that would be fine. Noah took the nod for what it was and somehow managed to unzip both of their jackets before Luke was clear on where things were going. Noah's hands, ridiculously graceful for their size, tugged both of their shirts up before returning to invade Luke's mouth again. 

The air, the heat, the wet of Noah's tongue and the rough, dirty utterances spilling from his mouth urged Luke onward. He wanted to wrap his legs around Noah, wanted to be as close as they could be on a bench outside in December while still remaining at least partially dressed. More than that, he wanted to really feel what Noah had teased him with the night before. So what that his fingers were cold and they were outside? He wanted Noah's dick. He wanted to lay Noah back on the bench and suck him until they both came. He wanted to memorize every detail of Noah's skin. His legs weren't going to cooperate, but his hands would. 

He moved slightly to get at Noah's jaw. The heavy sound of Noah's breath kept him warm. Luke moved his hands across Noah's chest. Knowing the strength those muscles contained made each brush of his fingers that much hotter. Noah could practically carry him, but still whimpered and shivered under Luke's touch. His hands now warmer, he slid them down to Noah's hips. Tracing the outline of the muscles had Noah rocking himself closer to Luke. Luke kissed Noah. His lips were dry and chilled, but warmed up soon. Luke's heart beat fast as he contemplated his boyfriend's mouth.

Distracted by the power of Luke's kisses, Noah failed to notice the pop of his top button on his jeans being undone. He failed to notice the next one, but the third one caused him to yelp. Luke's hands down his pants was hot and cold and oh my god, his fingers brushed against his shorts and Noah lost his ability to breath. Caught between begging Luke to touch him and frozen in fear of what might happen if he did, Noah struggled. Luke's mouth continued to drown Noah's senses, but now they warred with new ones expanding in his dick. Luke's fingers sneaked under the band of Noah's shorts and finally, oh Jesus, Luke was touching his him. Noah swore, not knowing what else to say, but fuck and yes seemed to make the point clear.

"God Noah, I want you naked. I've been waiting for this moment since forever." Luke maneuvered his hand for better access. Noah's dick throbbed. Luke slid his fist over it. His palm covered the head of Noah's dick and felt slippery fluids coating their skin. Luke swallowed his own sigh and found a rhythm around Noah. Jerking someone else off was different than jerking himself off, but the idea seemed the same. Longer, thinner, but still smooth controlled strokes. Noah held his body off Luke's to give Luke the room he needed, but Noah's arms trembled and he bit his lip. His movements under Luke's hand became stronger. His once patient hips and thighs began to force themselves into the action. The pressure of his Noah's muscles reminded Luke that he wasn't working completely up to speed. That his legs, no matter how much they wanted to meet Noah thrust for thrust, couldn't. His hands faltered at the thought.

"Lu-u-u-ke?" Noah whimpered. What happened? Why did Luke stop? Shit. Okay. Say something rational. Think Noah, think. Fuck. "I can't stay like this. My arms, I have to put them down, soon." Luke said nothing. He seemed caught in a thought that had nothing to do with the here and now. What had Noah done? Why did the incredible feeling of his boyfriend's hand slow and stop? Cold hair skidded past Luke's fingers and Noah felt himself contracting in the air. He wriggled himself more fully out of Luke's grasp. He adjusted his arms to sit them both up, wincing at the pain of his jeans biting at his dick. Noah pulled Luke up into a sitting position, and stood up. With his back to Luke, he swallowed several ounces of worried bile and lust and re-buttoned his jeans. "Are you okay? Did I?" He cringed at the thought, but hurried on, "Did I do something?" He sat back on the bench, reached for Luke's hands. "You were touching me and it was amazing and then you stopped. I've never done something like this before." Not with a guy, not with a boyfriend, not with someone he loved. "Did I, was I, I don't know, was there something I was supposed to do and didn't?" He kissed Luke's fingers and shivered at the scent of Luke's sweat and his own almost-orgasm. His dick pressed at the inside of his jeans just thinking about what had happened.

At first, Luke shook his head but said nothing. Noah's eyes stayed focused on him, but he couldn't speak. Luke wanted to kick himself, but his fucking legs didn't work right yet. Noah had been exactly where he wanted him. Hell, Luke admitted, his hand was exactly where it should have been, and he fucked it up. What was wrong with him? "You did nothing wrong. It wasn't you. It was me."

"You know, for a writer, sometimes your dialogue is for shit." Noah closed his eyes. Fuck. That was not what a supportive boyfriend was supposed to say. God he sucked at this. "I didn't mean that. I'm sorry, just," he shrugged. "I'm just ... a little tense still." He kicked at the ground and felt stupid.

"Noah, honest, you did nothing wrong." He took Noah's hands into his and squeezed tight. He brought their combined hands together mimicking Noah's earlier gesture. The scent of his boyfriend exploded Luke's sense and before he thought about it he was sucking on their joined fingers. Noah's repressed noises made it all the more sexy. "Shit, you really did nothing wrong. Believe me. You were everything I imagined. Everything I ever wanted. I just freaked out. I'm so sorry."

"Everything you imagined, huh?" Noah shrugged. He jammed his cold, damp fingers into his pockets. "Everything you wanted, and yet here I am feeling like an asshole. How's that work?"

"Badly. Look, I don't normally think of myself as petty or jealous, ignoring some of my earlier pre-physical therapy reactions to being in that chair, but ..." He closed his eyes. "You were on top of me, and you were so strong. And you moved." He thought of those muscles clenching. "More than moved. You had strength and rhythm and," Luke ground his legs as best he could against the bench at the memory. "You were so hard and so wet and, Noah, what if I can't do that? What if I'm never going to be able to do any of that with you?" He stuffed his hands in his pockets. "What if I want to take you so badly that I hurt all over and can feel every nerve in my body screaming out to be on top of you, inside you, rubbing against you in anyway." His voice once loud died to a whisper, "What if I can't do any of that?"

"That's what you were thinking?" Noah blushed as his voice cracked. "I was about three seconds from the most incredible orgasm of my life given to me by the most incredible man in my life, and you thought you wouldn't be able to take me anyway you wanted? Luke, whatever you need. I'll take a yoga class to become more flexible. I'll find a chiropractor willing to snap my spine. We will do all those things you want to do." He knelt on the ground, sat on his heels, and forced Luke's perfect brown eyes to meet his. Noah held Luke's chin to make sure he understood. "Don't you get it, Luke? You have me. Whatever you need. Whatever we need." He put his forehead against Luke's. 

His breath, warm and salty, brushed Noah's eyelashes. "How can you do that? Say just the right thing when I need to hear it? I love you, Noah. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Let's not think about that right now. I don't want to find out ever again." Noah hugged Luke. "We're fine. You're fine, and I will be by the time we get back to the farm. Want to head back?"

"Not really. I want to go back to a few moments ago and get my hands all over you again." Luke spilled Noah onto the bench. "Can't we do that?" He kissed him. "Can't we pretend that I'm not the most pathetic boyfriend in the entire universe and just let us both ..." He bit Noah's lower lip, sucked on it, smothered his face in necessary kisses. "Let us both have the best Christmas orgasms we ever possibly could dream of?" Luke nibbled Noah's ear, his jaw, bit his neck. "Please?"

Noah groaned. His hands snaked around Luke's and held fast. He met him kiss for laughing kiss. "Luke, that sounds wonderful, the best. You're adorable. And god help me, I don't know what's wrong with me, but no."

Luke pulled back.

"Don't look at me like that." Noah frowned.

"Look at you like what? Look at you just turned down the offer of sex? Look at you like you just turned down the offer of giving me the first orgasm I haven't given myself? Hell yeah, I'm looking at you like this?" Luke tugged on Noah's scarf. "Noah, I want you. I brought you out here with the intent to make out like bunnies, remember?. I turned you on. I fucking had you in my hands." He glared at his traitorous fingers. Why couldn't they have told his brain to shut up? "And now you're saying no? What else am I supposed to do but look at you?"

"Damn it Luke, stop. I keep screwing this up." He dragged his fingers through his hair, pulled at the roots. "What you did. What we almost did. Luke, I want it to be special. If I'm really going to be the first guy to make you come, then I want it to be not on a bench at Snyder pond." He put his hands to better use and squeezed Luke's arms. "I want a bed, and warmth, and candles and music and everything in the world that makes you feel loved. Don't rush this because of me. Don't do something you'll regret." He nuzzled at Luke's neck, slid his tongue over the muscle of Luke swallowing. "I don't want to disappoint you."

Luke contemplated whining. He thought a groan of pain might help. Maybe begging. But damn it, why did Noah have to be right this time? His nobility found the stupidest times to rear its ugly head. He kissed Noah. Not an "I agree" kiss, or for that matter, even an "I understand" kiss. More of a "I want you and me naked in the snow and I don't care about stupid candles or music, and I do feel loved, so can we just do this already" kiss. The need curled his toes and had him pulling Noah up against him on the bench. "You could be the first man to make me come right now, Noah Mayer. No one is around. My family knows where we are. My dad's not dumb." He lost his thoughts in the wet of their tongues and the press of their bodies, lost his mind in the the crushing strength of Noah losing his breath against their kiss. He hadn't thought his plan through thoroughly. His arms were pinned against Noah with no chance of reaching that damned button fly. Noah's tongue invading his mouth made him not mind quite as much. His own whimpering made him blush. One, two, three savage kisses that left him without words, breath or action, and then Noah pulled back.

He laid his hands across Luke's chest. "Jesus, I fucking want you."

Luke raised his eyebrow.

"But not like this, and not here."

Luke chewed on his bottom lip. "You're no fun. You know that, Noah? No fun at all." His eyes were calculatingly impish. He grabbed at Noah's jacket. "I can fix that." He slipped his tongue into his boyfriend's mouth. The groan that echoed into his mouth made him instantly hard. His legs tightened. His stomach clenched. "I never thought someone moaning could be so hot. Isn't that usually a pain response?"

"It was a pain response. Trust me. Kiss me again." Noah tilted his head to meet Luke's mouth better. He covered Luke's face in laughing, individual kisses and his hands slid to cover his thighs. "As you pointed out, your father isn't dumb. He knows we're down here. He knows, shit, he just knows. So we should go back to the farm. And I should go put ice on my dick." Noah eased himself off the bench and offered Luke his cane. "The pouts adorable, but it's not going to work." He ducked Luke's hands as they reached forward to grab him. "Not this time. Come on. We can walk back and you can tell me about your fantasies around you and me and Snyder Pond for the summer. I'd like to hear some of them."

"Fine, fine, you win." He took Noah's hand and the cane. "We'll go back, stuff ourselves with too much food. Then we'll curl up on the couch and watch old movies, but old like the 80s, not like black and white. Ones we can both enjoy. Later tonight, once the children and adults are asleep, I'll tell you about this daydream I've been having."

Noah whined until Luke told him one of his fantasy on the walk back. Luke's dream made Noah's ears red. "You really are the one with the imagination. I'm not sure that's anatomically possible, but I'm game if you are." Would his legs move that way? Did his back bend enough. Shit, would his body be able to keep up with it? Especially in the water. And what about Luke's? Would Luke's body be ready by the summer? Would the physical therapy really make him strong enough by then or at all? Panicked a little, Noah tightened his grip on Luke's hand. "I keep wanting to ask you what it's like to be regaining the strength of your legs, but I don't know how to ask or understand. I don't want you pushing yourself too hard. I worry."

"Me too, but I think my doctors would say something. And I've been cleared for more strenuous activity after each session." Luke paused. He stopped to look at Noah. "I don't know how to explain it exactly. It's like wanting control of part of you, knowing you should have it, and it being not quite there. It's scary, but not as scary as not feeling at all." He shrugged. "My brilliant writer's voice fails me when I try to explain this. I'm just glad that I'm healing. That I may some day have that control again." He leaned his stomach into Noah's and reached up to kiss him. "I'll be fine by the summer. Promise. And I'll push myself just enough, okay?" He couldn't get enough of Noah's mouth. His kisses became distracted as he thought about Noah's not quite asked question. How do explain about not having ownership of your body? How does someone else experience that? His grin became wicked as an idea began to form. "We should get back, right. Because you're such a good boyfriend, and Dad will be so pleased with us both. There's hot chocolate and coffee just waiting for us."

"That sounds perfect. Let's go." Noah offered one last quick slip of his lips across Luke's before they headed back to the farm.

**part two**  
*****

Everything was so busy that Noah barely noticed the days after Christmas as he basked in the fun. It only struck him once he had to return to the dorms. It was awful. No one spoke to him; no one knew him; no one laughed. At least his roommate wasn't back yet. That was some relief. Fake conversation was worse than no conversation. It was like being on one of the bases. He kicked at the white washed concrete walls. His posters depressed him. Everything had turned dim somehow. Everything but the suit hanging on his closet door with the spare shirt and tie just in case they matched. He tugged at the damp ends of his hair. Matching with his date had been the point at the stupid military dances and that awful prom he wanted to forget ever happened. But matching with his date now, matching with Luke, somehow that seemed a little weird and not the point. They were different. They looked different. Luke was adorable and hot, and, hell ... Noah glared down at the towel around his waist and tried to think of those wretched dances and anything that wasn't the feel of Luke's skin or the way their mouths fit together perfectly. Not working. Not working. No time for a cold shower. Damn. He took deep breaths. 

Getting dressed was uncomfortable but not awful. He frowned at the tent in his pants, grumbled at the clothes laying on the seat in his truck where Luke would soon sit. The cold air had its benefits and by the time he arrived at the farm, country music and anxiety made him not feel quite like himself at thirteen where a stiff breeze could make him, well, stiff. His tires rumbled on the driveway. He flipped the music off and clutched the wheel. A date, one out in public, not just a holding hands while drinking hot chocolate, date. Maybe now would be the time to be ill? But there was Luke waiting for him. Noah didn't want to disappoint.

*****

"So was I leading too much?" Noah held Luke's hand as they walked out of the Metro.

Luke laughed. "No. Can you? Lead, I mean? Do you know how to dance?" He tugged at Noah to stay still so he could look at him. "You look amazing. Thank you so much. I know how big a deal this was for you. I'm sorry if I overdid it with the teasing. Maybe I was more nervous than I thought?"

"You're never nervous. And what you said was fine. You're right. No one did care. And I don't care if they do." He tightened his grip on Luke's hand. "I don't do well with crowds, with people, with dancing, but it isn't you, Luke. Really, it isn't you. I'm not ashamed or scared of you, of me, of us. And you, you're never nervous. You're incredible." Noah stepped closer to his boyfriend. "What were you saying about somewhere more private?"

Luke smirked. "Well, I do have an idea, but you might not like it."

"Privacy with you? I'd like any ideas you can suggest."

"Okay, well, I've got two." Luke stared at Noah's chest. "You could sneak me into your dorm room or I could sneak you back to my room at the farm." He swallowed and met Noah's eyes. "My grandmother said she didn't want you sleeping in my room, but I didn't really want you sleeping there either. And she's not there. The only person who might be there is my dad, and I've heard the stories of what he got up to when he was my age. Anyway, I told him to leave. I think he'll get the hint. We'd have the farm to ourselves."

Noah felt his face flush. "I don't trust my roommate not to return unannounced ..."

Luke tried to wait. He counted to three but couldn't get to five. "And my other suggestion?"

"I don't know. I don't want to break your family's trust. But ..."

"But?" Luke fidgeted.

"But the idea of time with you on the farm with no one else there. Yes, yes, of course, Luke." Noah hugged Luke to him. "Let's go."

They made small talk in the truck. The weather, classes, anything but the looming knowledge of the farm and Luke's room. Noah started sentences in his mind, but they all sounded stupid. He knew Luke was a virgin. He knew he wasn't. Would Luke want him to lead? What did he need? In the videos he'd downloaded, the books he'd read, what did they have? Should he ask Luke if he had anything? Was he being too forward to think they were going to do it? Maybe he should ask. Damn. He cleared his throat. "Hey Luke, umm, do we - ? Do you know what - ?" He slammed his hands against the wheel. "What do you want to do with this privacy? In your room?" He swallowed. "I sound like an idiot." He pulled over to the side of the road. "Look, I guess, I mean, if this goes ... somewhere ... do you have - ?"

Luke reached for his hand. "You don't sound like an idiot. Don't talk badly about my boyfriend. No one talks about my boyfriend like that." He slid his hands to Noah's face and pulled him close to touch their lips. "And I love that you're such a boy scout that you ask those things." Another kiss. "Well on your way to that merit badge."

Noah pushed Luke away. "You said it could be fun, but you're not answering my question. We should be safe. Both of us. I know you told me you were a virgin, but I'm not, at least not in the traditional sense." He ran his fingers through his hair, tugged at the roots. "I don't know where this is going tonight. I know where I'd like it to go eventually, maybe not tonight, but eventually. It's just, I wasn't prepared for it to happen. Tonight, that is. And I don't have condoms, or lube, or I don't know, anything. I don't even know what we should have." He glared at Luke's bemused glance. "Stop looking at me like this! Should I even be thinking about ..." His hands clenched. "Sex?"

"You can barely say the word, Noah. Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex." He bit Noah's shoulder. "Sex," he whispered in his ear. "You want me. You want sex. You want sex with me. And Noah, I want you. I've been dreaming about you and me since before Branson, but since then, since seeing you naked, you've filled my every waking and sleeping fantasy." He winked. "Sometimes it's you, Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger, but mostly it's just you." Luke rasped his tongue across Noah's jaw. "We're incredible in bed, you know. We're both very talented for this all being new to us. You, Noah, you're incredible. Very inventive. Come back to the farm, where I have condoms, and lube, and towels, and a shower, and a bed, and everything one could possibly need when having sex for the first, or nearly first time. In case you weren't feeling like a boy scout, I made sure to be prepared." He laughed at Noah's slightly agape mouth. "Can we go before someone gets back?"

"Right. Going." Noah shifted the truck into forward and slammed on the gas. The wheels screeched on ice and testosterone as they hit too fast too quickly. Both of them laughed, but neither spoke for the remaining ten minute drive. The light near the front door of the walkway pooled across the frosted grass. They were both breathing heavily. Their hands intertwined. "I'll get your door. Gimme a second." Noah peeled his hand from Luke's and stumbled out his side of the truck. He jumped at the noise of his door closing and nearly died from a heart attack before his sweating, shaking hands could unlock Luke's. "Do you need help getting down?" He offered his arms.

"You're always the gentleman. I'm not one to say no to that." Luke slid into Noah's grasp and shivered at the contact of their chests and thighs. "I love you, Noah. Kitchen first, while I check to see if dad got the hint and got out. I don't see any cars, so the coast looks clear." He ground his hips into Noah's accidentally-on-purpose. "Let's go." They tiptoed up to the door. 

Noah caught the front door before it banged shut. One light in the kitchen looked sparse but encouraging. "Looks like no one's here but us," he whispered.

"We're in luck. Walk quietly just in case." Luke pushed Noah up the stairs in front of him. The cane made it difficult but not impossible, and watching Noah head up the stairs in front of him made it all seem worth it. God, he had a great ass. He paused, breathed deep. This was really going to happen. He, Luke Snyder, was finally going to have sex. With someone that wasn't his own left hand. How many condoms did he need? Would Noah forgive him for what he was about to do? Would Noah understand at all? Hell. Too late now. "My room's the second door on the right. Push it gently or the door squeaks."

Noah froze. Luke's room. Luke's door. Oh god. His stomach hurt. His dick hurt. Jesus, his dick hurt. His hands were sweating. Had he been this nervous since he was thirteen? When what's-her-face kissed him and tried to use her tongue. Noah shuddered at the memory. He gave his brain a mental bleaching and placed his hand on the iron door latch.

Luke pressed his weight against Noah's back, hand covering his at the door. "Gentle." He stood on tiptoes, balanced himself against Noah. "Very gentle. Like this." He opened the door with his breath held. "Light switch is on the right. Night stand straight ahead and then to the right. Bed is straight ahead." They blinked as the glow from the ceiling lamp scalded their eyes.

"And there it is." Noah stood two steps inside the door. He swallowed. His mouth remained dry. Luke's hands circled his waist from behind and lay warm across his stomach. Noah's heart beat faster. The bed was old, wooden, with posts and a scrolled headboard and the whole nine yards. There were pillows, lots of pillows, and a comforter, and a quilt Noah would bet was handmade. This was not a military or dorm issue bunk, light on frills and comfort. Something about this bed spoke of love and warmth. He inhaled. Luke's scent, his deodorant, his laundry soap, his very Luke-ness, seeped into Noah. 

The vestiges of Luke's immobilization lay around the room. In the far corner by a door, a closet maybe, the wheelchair was folded up. An extra cane rested near the nightstand. On the bed, that incredible heart throbbing, breath stopping bed, were the rubber tubes Noah recognized from Luke's physical therapy sessions. Several were wrapped between the bottom legs of the bed. A heavier one with some sort of handle, was wrapped around the carved wood in the center of the headboard. He swallowed. Luke still had a lot to overcome. Noah had no business asking about condoms or lube or anything. He beat himself up again, and rotated in Luke's arms to return the hug. "Your room is amazing. It's so you. The basketball. The desk. All of it." He kissed Luke's forehead. "You're so lucky to have a room like this."

"I'm lucky to have you in it." Luke nodded at the bed. "Sit down. Make yourself comfortable. Want something to drink? I've got sodas in the fridge."

"You have a refrigerator in your room?"

Luke grinned. "The perks of being an invalid. The family wanted me to have all the comforts they could get me. So I got the dorm fridge." He shrugged. "I'm not going to knock it. Coke, grape, root beer or water?"

Noah sat on the edge of the bed. He took off his shoes so his footsteps would be quieter. "Water, I guess." He tugged at his tie until it was loose. Would taking off his jacket be too much? Fuck it. He didn't care. He hung the jacket over the post. Luke had seen him in nothing once before and his hands had, well, his hands had been everywhere for that brief moment a week ago. No one was home. How much time would they have. Dizzy with the memories of Luke on the sofa in the parlor, on the bench at the Snyder pond, Noah lay perpendicular on the bed. The mattress had just the right tension and the blankets curled around him just enough. He closed his eyes. "I don't need water as much as I need you." He held his left hand out and made a come here gesture he hoped Luke saw. His tongue felt too big in his mouth. Noah felt the bed sink slightly when Luke's weight settle next to him.

"That was the right answer. But I got you water as well. You might need it later." He placed the bottle on the bedside table, leaning his weight across Noah. "Let's get you comfortable, Noah. I've been waiting for tonight."

"Me too. I mean, I didn't know tonight would be tonight, but I can't stop thinking ..." Christmas day, that bench, Luke's hand Noah smiled as Luke curled into him. He played with his hair. "I don't want to rush you." His grip on Luke's hair tightened. "But a lot of me, a lot of me wants to roll you onto this bed of yours and get you naked." He continued to stare at the glow in the dark stars on Luke's ceiling. "I swear, it's all I think about. I feel like a pervert."

Luke purred. "I like perverts. In fact, I may even go so far as to say I love certain perverts." He elbowed Noah in the ribs. "I've been thinking about what you asked me before. You really are afraid of breaking me. At least that's part of it, right? You're afraid, because I freaked out about my legs, that we can never do anything again without me losing my shit and stopping. But I'm really strong, Noah. And getting stronger every day. I've been working on my dumb physical therapy a lot. You gave me the motivation." He licked his lips. "Let me show you." He laughed at Noah's puzzled look. "Then you'll have to believe me. I won't break. And I am so ready for you. For this. For us."

"I believe you, but you can't stop me from worrying." Noah kissed the top of Luke's head.

"I like that you do. Now, get up here. I only bite in that way you like." Luke shoved Noah so they were both laying the right way. "I'm going to show you." Luke tugged Noah down the bed. He bit his lip to hide his grin. Don't let him freak out. Please don't let him freak out. Luke slid off the bed. He pulled at Noah's feet. "Let me do this."

Noah propped himself up on his elbows. "What are you doing?"

"Shut up and lay down." Luke smiled. "I'm showing you I won't break." And you won't either. He crossed his fingers quickly. Before he could lose his courage, Luke pinned Noah's feet behind his therapy bands. "See? They're strong, aren't they." He twisted the handle to lock them. Luke met the moment of panic in his boyfriend's eyes and winked at him. He might have been drunk on his own cleverness if it weren't that he knew he was drunk on the sight of Noah's trapped body. Luke ran his fingers over Noah's thighs. Each shudder of muscle rushed desire into Luke's mouth. "You okay?"

Noah tested the restraints at the foot of the bed. His heart pounded. "Maybe?" He wiggled his toes. He could move those. Noah shifted his upper body. From the knees up, he had motion. Who needed blood anywhere else in your body, when it could all swell into your dick? What was Luke doing? He tried to sit up, but Luke placed a hand on his chest. Noah swallowed. Luke's smile - equal parts nerves, adorable and danger - rushed lightening through him. The calculated motions of Luke's fingers twisting figure eights over Noah's legs singed the blood from his brain. Jesus. Candlelight? Music? Who the fuck needed that? Why had he ever thought that was a good idea when they could have been in bed with Luke five days earlier? Shit. The romance and candlelight were supposed to be for Luke. Noah struggled to focus. Supposed to be about Luke. Noah sighed, trying to clear his brain enough to say something. Noah felt Luke's weight shift. Their legs intertwined. Noah flopped backward, arching his back for more contact, and not believing how stupid he had been Christmas day. He moaned when Luke's hands moved further up his thighs and their legs tangled more.

Luke took Noah's back against the bed as acquiescence. He pushed up Noah's shirt to admire his stomach. Impulse control is so overrated. He bit at Noah's hip, right above his pants before planting kisses above the buckle of his belt. Noah's fingers tightening on the comforter. The belt at his waist could work. Luke bit at his cheeks to hold back the sense of optimistic karma that this was so damned right. Noah's squirms and increasingly obvious hard-on made belt removal challenging but not impossible. The hiss of leather through metal sounded loud in his bedroom. He forgot to breathe. This was it. His hands shook as he undid Noah's button. Luke wasn't ready for the zipper quite yet. He ran his hand over the small patch of newly exposed skin.

"Your fingers are cold."

"They'll warm up soon enough." Luke began to unbutton Noah's shirt. Better than unwrapping a Christmas present. Half way up Noah's chest, he paused to absorb his pale skin and uneven breathing. He studied his boyfriend's chest like a blank screen waiting to be filled with words. Luke tongued from above Noah's navel to his breastbone. He bit - harder than intended - at that beautiful skin and sucked it past his teeth enough to bruise. Luke smiled at the whimper that escaped Noah's mouth and Noah's hands clutching at Luke's shoulder. He admired the dark red hickey. "God," he whispered. "I can't believe I just did that." He kissed Noah's bruised flesh. "Did I hurt you?"

"Let's try again and find out." Noah's voice sounded lower, breathy.

Luke tugged at Noah's tie. "This has to come off first." He refocused on the buttons of Noah's shirt. "And this." He laughed as Noah fumbled with his tie. "Let me." Noah lowered his hands. He reached for the tie while he met Noah's blue eyes. "I've never looked at ties the same way, since ..."

"Me too."

Luke unknotted the tie. He leaned his weight onto Noah, placing his hands on either side of him. His heart pounded like that moment in the studio. "I love you." More importantly at the moment, he wanted Noah. Luke opened his mouth over Noah's and melted into him. Warmth and wet and the familiar taste of his boyfriend hurdled down his body. Luke whispered he-didn't-know-what into Noah's mouth at the feel of smooth skin under his fingers. He pushed himself up enough to straddled Noah, nearly screamed at the feel of their bodies so close and so covered by clothes. "I said the shirt had to go as well." He undid the last button and yanked at the shirt. Noah's cheeks were flush with laughter as his arms remained tangled in the sleeves. Luke pinned Noah's wrists at the top of the bed with one hand and wrapped the shirt around them with the other. "Now you really are stuck. And I get to do whatever I want."

He slid his hands over Noah's arms. He bit the center of his lower arm and appreciated the tensing of muscle. He slid his body down to lick Noah's ear and bit at his jaw. "You really do like that, don't you?" His teeth grazed Noah's neck and latched onto skin above his collarbone. He swirled his tongue over the skin while he sucked it. "Mine." He inched his mouth lower to mark Noah's skin again. "All mine," he purred.

"Luke," Noah protested.

Luke's stomach turned to ice. "Too much? Too soon?"

"Too dressed. You're too dressed."

"Oh." Luke swallowed.

"Yeah."

Luke knelt on the bed and unbuttoned his shirt. He stared at Noah while he slipped it off. The draft from the farm and the heat from Noah's eyes clashed against him. His stomach tensed. "Better?"

"Much better." Noah reached for Luke but got tangled in his shirt. "God, I want to touch you."

"Not yet. My turn first. I have some ... stuff ... to make up to you." Luke kissed Noah's chest. "Lots and lots of stuff." He mouthed his way up toward Noah's heart and zeroed in on his nipple. He circled it with his tongue and listened to Noah's sigh. Each taste begged for another and Luke was more than happy to oblige. He admired the curve of Noah's stomach and nipped at his ribs. He listened to the stutter of Noah's heartbeat and stared down to the zipper of his pants. Now or never. His fingers hesitated. He bit his knuckle, took a deep breath. He lifted his head to scorch a kiss on Noah's lips. The desire in Noah's mouth curled into him. 

Luke fumbled blindly for the zipper and pulled it down a millimeter at a time, tormenting himself as much as Noah. His fingers slipped into the space he created and he almost swooned at the sticky heat. He broke away from Noah's mouth to lick kisses down his chest. He returned to the hip where he started and bit again. "The one thing I regret, almost as much as screwing up our Christmas orgasms, was that I couldn't see what I was doing." He tongued Noah's navel. "Now I can." Noah's whimper shattered any hesitation or fear. Luke pushed back pants, boxers, sighed when Noah lifted his hips to help and then there he was. His mouth mere inches from Noah's dick. He sucked back the saliva that threatened to overtake his mouth. Jesus, he was beautiful. More beautiful than any porn, any boy in the locker room, any dick he had ever seen in a magazine or on the internet. He closed his eyes to burn the image into his brain. Luke swallowed. What if he fucked this up? Could you fuck up getting your dick sucked? Not that he had been on the receiving end ever, but basic mechanics and all. 

Okay, so not the time for daydreaming. Time to get that gay merit badge he had been teasing Noah about earlier. He reached out and watched his fingers palm the velvet soft skin he'd only felt the week before. He leaned forward and licked a trail over Noah's erection, jumping as Noah's hips bucked off the bed. "Good?"

"So good." Noah fought with his impromptu handcuffs.

Luke swiped his tongue directly over the crown. He lapped at the bitter salt of pre-come and wrapped his mouth around his boyfriend's dick. The feel of Noah inside his mouth had Luke's balls screaming for attention. Why had he thought tying Noah up was the right idea?

"Oh my god, fuck, you feel, god, Luke. Shit. I should be touching you." Noah twisted his head against the pillow.

Oh right, that was why. Luke pulled away. "No you shouldn't. I should be finishing what I started. Without freaking out or being jealous or anything." He moved to straddle the part of Noah's legs not bound beneath medical grade rubber tubing. "Now let me." 

He pressed his hands into Noah's abdomen to hold him in place and took him into his mouth again. He swirled his tongue, found that sensitive spot right there, and learned that maybe god liked fags after all because his gag reflex seemed non-existent. Luke breathed over the top of Noah's dick and wrapped his hand around the shaft. His own dick was hard enough to nail horseshoes. He melted over the moans and thrusts that he was capable of dragging from his boyfriend. 

Pressure, warmth, wet, salt on his tongue, there was nothing in his world other than this moment right now. Luke's stomach clenched. He raked his hands around Noah's hips. His own moan vibrated around Noah, as his tongue continued to revel in the taste and feel of love and lust all spun together.

Noah tugged at the shirt binding his wrists until one managed to get free. He ripped at the shirt and threw it off the bed. His head spun. His chest hurt from breathing and not breathing and wanting. God, how he wanted. He reached for Luke's head, wrapped his fingers in his hair. The tightening of Luke's throat around his dick had his balls nearly crawling into his chest. That familiar rush of imminent sensations clanged in his sex-fogged brain. He fumbled for Luke's hands at his hips and squeezed. "Coming. Luke. Really soon." Luke's mouth hesitated and then he laced his fingers with Noah's. Noah fell back against the bed, eyes closed. He groaned. Luke wasn't going to stop, was going to ... "Oh fuck, now, now, now."

Luke's tongue pressed under the crown of Noah's dick. Noah fingers felt empty as Luke pulled his left hand away, but he forgot that soon enough as those fingers wrapped around his shaft. He arched into the heat of mouth and the safety of his hand and every aching moment of need came spurting out of him. Tears stung his eyes. He bit his lip hard enough to draw blood. There were no words to describe what he felt as Luke swallow everything inside him. 

He clutched at Luke's shoulder, barely able to speak. "Please," Noah whispered. "I need you up here with me. Please."

Luke flexed his back. He paused, savoring the taste of Noah on his lips, and heard the pain in his voice. He cringed. Oh shit, I hurt him. Luke pulled himself up the bed and into Noah's arms. "Did I do something -"

"Something wrong? No. Something so right." He dashed at the tears on his face. "Just let me be a loser for a moment and kiss me."

Luke wrapped himself around Noah. "You're not a loser, you idiot." He poured himself into Noah's mouth. His jaw ached slightly and his lips were bruised, but he felt so good. Better than every before or probably ever again, even with a hard on that might strangle the life out of him. It only got worse as Noah sucked on his tongue. They paused to breathe and Luke laid his forehead against Noah's. "I love you so much."

"Me too." He rubbed the tension at Luke's shoulders, smiled at the purr Luke exhaled. "My turn."

Luke tensed.

"You don't want me to? It sure feels like you do." Noah reached toward Luke. "But you're still wearing too many clothes. Take them off. I'd help you," he stuck out his tongue, "but I'm somewhat tied up."

"You managed to get your hands free. Who knew you were so clever with knots?" Luke snagged Noah's wrists and held them.

"You're trying to distract me. What's wrong?"

Luke curled himself up into Noah's chest. His dick throbbed, but so did his legs. "It's not you I'm trying to distract. It's me. My legs hurt when I lie down and I don't want to be in pain when you, when we, well, when it happens."

Noah laughed. His eyes lit up. "It happens? It happens? You can't even say it. Blow job, blow job, blow job. Tonight even I can say that. And you don't have to lay down. Come here." He kissed Luke's forehead.

Luke's face scrunched. He punched at Noah's arm. "Come where? Here. I probably could."

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes." Luke's face flushed.

"But?" Noah tugged at Luke. Months of masturbatory fantasies blazed across his mind. "Get up here. Just kneel next to me for a second." How was Luke still wearing clothes? No candles, no romance, and he'd had his dick sucked first. He was a lousy boyfriend. This had to stop. "Let me do this." He managed to sit up, no easy task when his head still spun, his legs didn't move, and his spine had melted into oblivion. He panicked for a moment, then remembered why his legs weren't moving. Was this what Luke had felt all the time? Jesus. He reached for Luke. Oceans of desire threatened to overwhelm him again. "Please Luke," Noah swallowed. "Let me love you."

Luke froze. His hands clenched the sheets. His chest heaved as he shuddered. He knelt on his legs. Head back. Eyes closed. Noah wanted to see Luke's eyes, wanted to know that Luke understood what he was asking. Not the sex - okay not just the sex - but the feelings, the closeness. The promised vision of Luke writhing above him made Noah not even care about how much of a girl he sounded like. He swallowed again and slipped the button of Luke's pants. The zipper came next. Noah heard Luke inhale but he didn't move. "Is this okay?"

Luke nodded, but still didn't meet Noah's gaze.

"Really?" He hugged Luke close. "Because, I'm not going to force you."

Brown eyes opened and Noah breathed a sigh of relief. "I think I'm scared."

"You're scared? Do you have any idea how you make me feel? Sometimes I'm afraid that I'll never be able to love you enough, that there isn't enough love in the world."

"That's the first time you've said that," Luke whispered.

Noah flushed. "I know, and that's so wrong." He cupped Luke's face in his hands, stared into his beautiful eyes. "I love you, Luke Snyder." He smiled. "God, I do. I do love you." He slid his hands down to Luke's shoulders, admired the muscles even more developed since his dad had ... Noah banished the thought. His fingers traced from shoulder to chest. He leaned forward to lick Luke's nipple. "I love you so much, but right now, I want you." He nipped at his collarbone. He wanted to touch him, taste him, bite him, suck him until there was nothing left. "I want you naked. Now."

Something in Noah's voice must have convinced Luke he was telling the truth. Luke tumbled himself backward to aid in Noah's desires. "All of a sudden, my legs don't hurt." 

"Mine are starting to," Noah admitted. He grabbed Luke's wrists. "No, don't. I can handle it. And it doesn't interfere with what I want to do." He peeled back Luke's pants and nuzzled at the trail of hair that beckoned like a blonde arrow. Luke smelled like the farm, and the ocean, and himself magnified. Noah breathed in the scent. He figured he could bottle and sell as Lust on the open market and be a millionaire. He tugged a bit harder at the black material. “Off.”

For a man with sore legs, Luke could move really fast when he wanted.

Noah lay back down. “Come here.” He gestured toward his chest.

“Where would here be?” Luke bit his lip.

“Here, Luke.” Noah blushed. “You said your legs hurt if you lie down, so don’t lie down. Just,” he waved his hands abstractly, “Straddle me.” He hadn’t looked at Luke undressing, hadn’t touched immediately when he removed his pants. He closed his eyes. Was he going to have to beg, again? “I won’t break,” Noah promised. “And this way, you won’t either. So get yourself up here.”

Again, Luke complied.

Noah whimpered at the tough of Luke’s legs against his skin. Who ever said body hair wasn’t hot was dumb. Luke wrapped himself around Noah like Noah imagined he might ride a horse, only nervous. Noah reached for his boyfriend and finally let his eyes admire all Luke had to offer.

Noah’s dick throbbed all over again, begging to find a way back to heat, warmth, wet, pressure. He wanted out of the restraints so he could roll Luke onto his stomach and fuck him until they both passed out. He wanted to find that mysterious way of crawling into Luke’s skin the way he had poured himself into Luke's mouth. That one he knew how to do.

His fingers were tentative at the first stroke. He feathered his hands down Luke’s chest, down his trail, before coming to rest against his dick. So smooth, and so hard. Different from himself and so very fucking sexy. He experimented with wrapping his fist around Luke. He moved slowly and watched as Luke gyrated against him. He listened as Luke’s breath unravel. Luke didn’t even seem to notice how much strength his legs had. And still, he hadn’t come close enough. Noah bent his hands around Luke’s waist and encouraged him closer. “Rest your head against the headboard.”

Luke blinked. He looked at Noah, looked at the headboard, looked back at Noah. His eyes glazed. He licked his lips.

“Yeah Luke, like that,” Noah answered his unspoken question. He encouraged Luke further up the bed, kneaded at his lower back, bribed him with almost kisses and a wet finger lightly zig-zagged across his dick. The movement wasn’t graceful, could have been smoother, but suddenly it worked. Luke’s legs were somehow near Noah’s head and then, oh god, Noah could finally reach him. Noah’s toes curled at the site of Luke above him. Luke's hands fisting into the scroll work at the headboard. His eyes staring down to meet Noah’s. 

All Noah could do was bend forward and tongue at Luke’s erection. He shifted to take in more of him, nearly choked in an attempt to swallow him whole. He arched his tongue and licked at the underside of Luke’s dick. Luke’s legs pushed forward. He white knuckled the headboard. Noah couldn’t make out specific words, but the noises sounded right. He couldn’t understand how this felt so natural, so fucking right. He bobbed his head around Luke, swallowed as best he could, felt him tightening inside his mouth.

“Shit, Noah,” Luke tried to pull back.

“Don’t even think it.” Noah put pressure on Luke’s back, held him close. He raked his fingernails over Luke’s skin, slid down to grab his ass. Noah used his tongue, his mouth, his everything to hold on to Luke. He pulled away long enough to bathe the crown of Luke’s dick before pushing himself as far down as he could get. Noah shifted his hands to clasp Luke’s chest, to add matching nail marks, to touch him in every way he could.

“Noah, oh god, Noah.” Luke swore. His hips jerked. His legs vised around Noah. Fireworks exploded behind his eyes. He banged his head, winced and laughed. Noah’s mouth swallowed again around his dick and he barely stopped himself from collapsing on top of him. 

Luke shivered as Noah leaned back, blushed as Noah watched him with appraising eyes, nearly came again as Noah licked his lip. “Maybe waiting until New Year’s wasn’t such a bad idea.” He shifted his legs, amazed at how not in pain they were, and untangled himself from Noah’s shoulders.

“Definitely not.” Noah reached out for him, curled himself around Luke as best he could. “I have a whole new respect for what you must have been feeling in that chair.” Wanted his legs back, wanted to feel Luke pressed against him, wanted, wanted, wanted, but with the knowledge that he could have that. 

He touched his lips to Luke’s, teased his tongue into his mouth. He tasted like Luke and himself and the two of them and he would never look at the farm or an ocean or anything again. They separated to breathe. “You didn’t break.” He skated his fingers over Luke’s back.

“You didn’t either.” Luke unstuck himself from Noah to crawl the foot of the bed. He carefully loosened each of his therapy bands. His hands rubbed deep into Noah’s legs. He sat back up. “You’re free.”

“I’m exactly where I want to be.” He gathered Luke to him. He pressed his forehead to Luke’s, stared into his eyes. The desperation nestled low in his spine. He recognized its presence, but didn’t feel overwhelmed. Something had shifted, moved, expanded to take its place. Noah smiled. “Happy New Years.”

They buried themselves under the covers and promised to only rest for a moment. The night was far from over.


End file.
